Hey readers!

I feel so damn good today! Yesterday the weather finally took a turn for the better in Chicago and I also had the best weekend I've had in months. Nothing like fun times with friends and great weather to really make life seem sweet, eh?

Thursday night I saw Franz Ferdinand with my friend Mira, who came into town especially for the show. It had been a long while since I'd been to a show and I thought, "I need to do this more often!" Everybody has their things that make them super happy and seeing live music is one of mine. FF is not my fave band, but I do have their first album and they played it pretty much in its entirety. We had some drinks and rocked out. On the drive home from The Riviera, we had my car stereo blasting, and were singing and generally acting like fools. It was great.

Friday I took the day off. We had "breakfast" at the best place for burgers in all of Chi-town: Kuma's. Usually you're stuck waiting for an hour or more for a seat, but we walked in around 12:30 and got a seat at the bar. Nothing like starting your day off with some beers and the best hamburgers in the world. I had the Metallica, which had BBQ sauce and bacon. Soooooo good, but I didn't need to eat for the whole rest of the day.

Then we took a little trip up to Boystown, the hot spot for gay boys in Chicago. I was on a mission: find some gloves for Saturday's burlesque class. We hit up a store called Beatniks and upon entering I saw why they had a big sign at the entrance saying: NO PHOTOGRAPHS. We saw ass-less leather chaps, a drag queen buying a wig, and high heels the were so huge, they were obviously for men. Fun times! I love gay boys (when they aren't too bitchy). I bought my gloves and the cutest pair of polka dot ruffled panties. Mission accomplished.

Then we went to Wicker Park/Bucktown - a sort of trendy area, for you non-Chicago peeps. It's a good place to bring out of town guests that are at least semi-hip, although the area is becoming more and more over run with yuppies with every visit. We walked miles, but enjoyed it.

Friday night was another Big Night Out. We went to Chicago's iconic punk bar - Exit. Sadly, I don't think it's quite as edgy as it used to be, but it was still fun. We watched my burlesque teacher, Ms. Bea Haven, strut her sexy stuff, along with some of the girls in her troupe. It was a ton of fun. I ran into another girl from my class and along with her friend and Mira, we got pretty rowdy. I even shouted at one of the teasing performers, "Show us your tits!!!" I don't think I've ever uttered that phrase in my life, but the pints of Bass were going down so well, if you know what I mean.

Fired up by watching the performances Friday night, I'm so pleased to report that the burlesque class on Saturday was a success. I owned it! I think I was so happy from having a fun weekend, and inspired by the performances the night before - I could feel a difference in myself and I felt sexy and awesome. Yay for me! The inner sex kitten is coming out!

Speaking of inner sex kitten...Friday night at Exit my teacher was trying to talk me into taking the Burlesque for Performers class - the next level where you prepare an act to perform in front of a real audience at the end! This will require much, MUCH more thought on my part, for sure.

So...Mira left late Saturday afternoon and I've had the rest of the weekend to recover from the festivities. Today I took a bike ride and it was amazing (and I don't use that word often). So many people were out, I could smell barbecues being fired up everywhere, music was playing, trendy people were seeing and being seen on sidewalk seats of restaurants in Bucktown - you could tell that everyone is feeling about 1000% better with the nice weather.

I felt fit to bust with happiness. I think my time of grieving and sadness is over.  I think now is emergence time from the cocoon I've been in. I'm feeling more like myself than I have in months, and also feeling like I'm really liking that person again. I'm making new friends, getting my mojo back, feeling like hot stuff again, and it feels so damn good. I can't even tell you. I think The Winter of My Discontent is finally over, and I say good riddance!

location: at home - windows open!!! mood: ecstatic music: the sounds of summer in the city tags: happiness

So...class #2 of Burlesque for Beginners was yesterday.

I had a frustrating time of it. I was still pretty bumbling and clumsy with the routine, but not quite as bad as last week, I think. For me, the absolute worst moment of the class came when the teacher announced that we would each walk across the room, doing a sexy walk to the music, by ourselves. As soon as the words left her lips, I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Readers, this was the hardest thing I've had to do for a while. I just could not manage to do this seemingly easy thing. I watched other girls go before me, with varying degrees of success. One girl, who admitted the first class that she had been a dancer, was so full of grace and elegance it was astounding. She practically floated across the floor.

Then it was my turn.

"Feel the music!" encouraged the teacher. I tried. I attempted to pretend that I was alone at home, with the stereo on and only the cats to watch my silly antics. I failed miserably. Twice I attempted to slink across the floor, like a femme fatale and oozing sex appeal. Okay, not quite. My real goal was to avoid looking too terribly stupid.

I didn't even succeed at that. I'm positive I had a frozen, deer-in-the-headlights look on my face. My body felt like a stiff wind up toy and I awkwardly lurched across the floor. I attempted to shake my hips, but even that came out as stiff, convulsion-like movements. Both times I actually stopped halfway across the room and just shook my head, shooting a pleading look to the teacher to please end my humiliating nightmare.

"Keep going! You can do this!" she said, God love her. Both attempts I got about 3/4 of the way across and just quit, slinking in shame to the wall where the others waited. I'm sure I had a look of misery on my face.

We finally moved on to another lesson where we were doing things as a group and I hoped that everyone had forgotten my hideous performance.

After class, I thanked the teacher for being so encouraging. She had been giving me slightly pitying looks the rest of class.

"You just need to relax! I know you feel like an asshole when you're doing it, but everyone did."

She also told me that when she started learning burlesque, she had felt the same way and had the same problems. "You just need to get your body used to making those movements. Once you do that, you can relax and have fun with it."

As I biked home, I thought, why is it I can buy a plane ticket and go on vacation on the other side of the planet, by myself, without giving it a second thought, but the idea of strutting my stuff in front of the burlesque teacher and 4 other women turns me into a terrified numbskull?

The teacher's parting words to me were, "Come back next week! Don't you dare get too afraid to come!"

I will be there. Because although I am apparently too tightly wound to release my inner sex goddess, I'm also too damn stubborn to stop before I've succeeded.  Believe me, she is there...I just need the bitch to come out of hiding.

location: at home mood: bored music: Interpol tags: burlesque; embarrasing

So...interesting afternoon on Saturday.

I've been trying to do more things to get out there and meet more people.  I figured a good way to do so is to start doing some group activities.  So I decided to start attending a class at a dance studio in Chicago called Burlesque for Beginners. Now, let me make clear this disclaimer: I DO NOT INTEND ON BEING IN BURLESQUE SHOWS. First of all, I just don't know if I have the cojones to do it. Secondly, my job involves being "The Face" of the program I work for at A Very Prestigious University, and part of my job is recruiting. I can just imagine talking to a prospective student and he/she saying, "NOW I remember where I've seen you! You're a burlesque dancer! Wow, you have great tits!" That would not be so good for my climb up the professional ladder, hmmm? Given the sorts of things I'm interested in, I decided long ago that it would be prudent to keep my personal and professional life sharply divided.

I decided to take the class for me and no one else. For me, it wasn't about performing, or being able to do a sexy striptease for anyone. It was about having fun, making new friends, becoming more comfortable with my body and sexuality. Given how impressed I was with my first burlesque show, I decided this was the class for me, rather than, say, a Pole Dancing class. Burlesque just seems more feminist and woman-friendly in my mind anyway, whereas pole dancing seems more about titillating a drooling man with no blood whatsoever flowing to his brain.

What I learned today was that burlesque performing is waaaaaay harder than it looks! Those girls make it look so damn easy and fun. I have to say though that I wasn't the only one flailing. Rather than thinking lush and sexy thoughts during the routine we were learning, I was counting beats in my head, trying to keep my balance, and frantically thinking to myself, "Which fucking foot was I supposed to lead with?????" We practiced taking off bras (over our clothes) and believe me, it's much harder than it looks! We started learning a routine and part of it involved removing the bra, spinning it on one finger overhead, and casually flinging it across the stage. The girl next to me kept whacking me in the head with hers, and mine kept wrapping around my finger instead of twirling.

Thank goodness the instructor noticed our complete and total lack of talent and remarked that the first burlesque class she ever took made her feel like an incompetent moron who would never get it. That was so nice of her. The thing that made me want to come back next week (not only for the stubborn desire to master gracefully twirling my bra, dammit) was the feeling of companionship among all the women. So what if we sucked? We had to start somewhere. And the coolest thing is that no one there was a Playboy centerfold. In fact, there were two women there that were quite obese and one of them was definitely way over 40. The coolest part was that one of the heavy ladies was actually the most confident and sassiest one there! It made me stop feeling so self conscious that my thighs weren't the size of a pubescent boy's and my ass was more than a handful.

In fact, it felt a little weird when the instructor encouraged us to shake what God gave us. All our lives we're taught that to be Good Girls we shouldn't bounce or jiggle too much. It felt very odd to me (and a little repulsive, I admit) to be shaking my tits like Jello, but once you got into it, you realized, "Yes, I am a woman! I have breasts. I have hips. I have a butt. And they're fucking gorgeous!" The media is so caught up in thinness ("Can you pinch an inch?" as they used to ask in those old Special K commercials) that we forget that we should have something to hold on to. Breasts, butts, and hips are supposed to have some padding, for God's sake!

On another note, I took my bike (a.k.a. Old Blue) out on The First Ride of the Season yesterday. I think I did about 10 miles. I also think I way overdid it. My thighs and my ass were killing me and I wasn't entirely sure I'd be able to get out of bed this morning,but to my surprise, I felt fine except for a sore behind. Riding my bike felt so damn good - people were everywhere and spring is here. Thank God for that!

location: at home mood: bored music: Otis Redding tags: burlesque; feminism

A random bit of silliness to make you laugh; check it out:

http://lookatthisfuckinghipster.tumblr.com/

Love it!

location: at work mood: amused music: M.I.A. tags: random tidbits

Hey, Readers.

I’ve been feeling off lately.  Restless?  Uncertain? It’s hard to put my finger on it.  I think it’s just because of all of the changes my life has gone through recently.  You know – you get into a routine (good or bad) and then when it changes, you don’t know what to do.

Anyone else feel like that? 

I always feel a little unsettled during the transition seasons.  Spring and fall always signify big changes to me.  I had fallen into a routine at work, but admissions season is over and now things will be different (and unknown, since I’ve been in this job less than a year).  My personal life is all sorts of upside down now…I’m trying to get out there and meet new people.  I’m now single again after quite a while and considering all sorts of things I hadn’t had to think about for what feels like a long time.  I made a bunch of new friends when I moved here 2 years ago, but relationships have gotten in the way (theirs and mine) and I find it very hard to pry them away from their boyfriends to go out with me, the newly single babe on the town.

 But you know, at least I took the chance to move somewhere new (and better!).  For all of the uncertainty and growing pains, I still feel good in my decisions.  I was visiting my hometown this weekend and whenever I do, I never fail to think to myself, “THANK GOD I don’t live here anymore!” That’s not to say I don’t love my friends who still live there, but they made their choices (right for them) and I made mine (right for me).

 I sort of feel like a caterpillar in a cocoon, waiting to emerge into a whole new world – like I’m on the verge of something.  I can’t wait to see what it is.    

location: at work mood: restless music: Sublime tags: changes

Hey guys,

I'm back from the hinterlands of Indiana.  I went back to see the fam for the Easter weekend.   I had a great time: I ate Ethiopian food, watched the roller derby, and drank enough to make my liver cringe.  It was wonderful to see my friends and the little getaway did me loads of good.

I'm still here; I haven't taken another break.  I'm irritated because I keep thinking of great blog postings that involve You Tube videos, but I can't seem to make them work on this site (but I can elsewhere).  Oh well.

A big shout out and loads of kisses to my Fort Wayne Posse, who know all my flaws and faults and love me anyway.

Six weeks from now I'll be in Istanbul!  I gave up trying to find travel partners long ago; people either had no money or no time.  I just go by myself now, and I've met some great friends that way. 

For now it's a rainy day in Chicago and I'm trying to unpack and clean up and get ready for another week of the Rat Race.

location: at home mood: tired music: Dead Milkmen - ha!

Readers - I am fabulous.

As many of those who know me personally already are aware of, I'm going through a pretty crummy time right now.

People have different ways of dealing with their personal pain.  Some shop compulsively.  Some eat compulsively - going to town on the Ben and Jerry's.  Others throw themselves into their work.  I, on the other hand, have a different approach.

I travel.

I had been mulling over an idea for about a week or so and today it became a reality.

I am now the proud owner of a ticket to Istanbul, Turkey. 

Memorial Day week I will be checking out the Hagia Sophia, the Blue Mosque, the bazaar, and the Bosphorus. 

I rock.  I really do. 

You can now all be jealous of me...

P.S. By the way, this doesn't count as compulsive shopping because a) I've wanted to make this trip for years b) I've been mulling it over for several days and c) it is not being bought on credit - I never travel on plastic.  It's all through saving up from being a cheapskate.

location: at work mood: jubilant music: Justin Timberlake - ha! tags: travel

Hey Readers,

I know that all of you have experienced the annoyance that is email spam.  But today, I got something in my work email that I think shows spam has hit a new low.  You can tell that a lot of it is written by people not well acquainted with the English language, but check out this gem that landed in my in-box this morning:

dears, management we have a good relationship with America  gov't in the past years with Ethiopian gov't . this good relationshipe rapidly growth communcate with America peoples and Ethiopian peoples to share Culture and custom. so, peoples need your support to sponcer to Aid book for medical students for st'paul's hospital millinium medical school Addis ababa, Ethiopia. women students and childrens and Hundicaped community to support.
your country this charity more role unforgetable memory for Ethiopian peoples for  America gov't.
                                                        
                                        Thank you
                                   Americalive forever!
                                   long live for America!
                                          We wish!

It's almost like someone just put a string of words together.

That ought to give you your laugh for the day.  I know it worked for me.

location: at work - on lunch mood: hungry music: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club tags: funny stuff

It's a beautiful, sunny Saturday morning in Chicago today.  I'm lounging around in my pj's - I have things to do, but I'm always pretty pokey about getting around in the morning.  I'm sitting at my desk, reading emails, checking out Facebook, and browsing the Net. 

I hear the sound of animated conversation coming from outside.   I've found I've sort of turned into a Mrs. Kravitz-type person - peering out from behind the curtains at the antics of my neighbors.  Mostly this is because the antics of my neighbors are good reasons to call the cops...but that's for another posting.

I see a man that is pretty obviously a crackhead.  The front and top of his hair sticks out in all directions (sort of like Don King).  The back of his hair is braided and decorated with beads.  He is walking down the sidewalk in a very jerky, agitated manner and talking 90 miles an hour - to himself.  Even from the vantage point of my window, I can see he has a major case of Crazy Eyes. 

I watch him cross the street and go into the alley next to my building, where all manner of crazies, homeless people, garbage pickers, and gang bangers like to congregate all hours of the day and night.  I gradually hear his voice fade away as he moves on to smaller and worse things.

City life... 

location: at home mood: awake music: The Pixies tags: city life

Hi, Readers.

Rant du jour: Fucking Tickemaster

Case in point: 

My friend asked me to accompany her to see Franz Ferdinand at the Rivieria Theater on April 30.  It used to be that a consumer had the choice of either purchasing the tickets at the venue or via Ticketmaster, but in recent years there has been a move to shift the ticketing process over solely to the Evil Empire. 

I knew I was going to get raped by Ticketmaster buying these tickets, but I didn’t realize just how badly.  Here is the breakdown of the charges, provided ever so kindly by them, so you know just how badly they’re fucking you:

 

Ticket Price:                                 $27.50

Convenience Charge                 $8.35

Building Facility Charge            $1.00

Tax:                                                 $.42

Order Processing Charge          $5.55

TicketFast                                       $2.50

 

Total Price for a $27.50 Ticket: $45.32

Sweet holy Jeebus!

What the hell is a “convenience charge?”  As in “it is our convenience to totally rape the consumer, thank you very much, have a nice day?”  I understand that they have to make some money off the transaction, but $5.55 seems a bit steep for a process that’s TOTALLY automated and where there is no human interaction whatsoever.

And, I must point out, that in addition to charging you for the convenience of using their services, and in addition to charging you their “processing charge” for something that is done solely by a computer, the final indignity is charging you for the privilege of giving you your tickets!  The cheapest choice by far is the TicketFast option, where they email you a PDF that you print out and use as your ticket.  This email will cost you $2.50.  If you – gasp! – want paper tickets mailed to you, they will charge you TWENTY FUCKING DOLLARS for the privilege. 

Can we all agree that this is absolutely ridiculous?  The ticket price is almost doubled after Ticketmaster gets done with a consumer. 

I’m on my way to Ticketmaster headquarters with a torch and a pitchfork.  Who’s with me?

location: at work mood: enraged music: Dead Kennedys tags: corporate greed, evil empires, rants